231/ [12 Jul 2009|05:31pm] oms, I just realised how much work there is to do.  and I've just been daydreaming and lazying around what a bummmmmm. I've been falling in and out of the giddy happiness in a scary way though. fluctuating, in and out, now and then, like a trance, always like a trance. it's like suddenly I am in another world, but something good is coming out of this because, suddenly I know what I want again. this warrants a smiley face so, (: today I woke up too late. but I had dimsum with the family and when I came home I looked at my wall. white with motifs of blue tack everywhere. I guess I was in quite a hurry when I practically tore down my wall late last year. you know those walls meant a lot to me, I really liked just sitting there and looking at it, savouring every memory it brought back. then poof I didn't want to remember most of it anymore. friends who don't want to talk to me anymore, friends whom I don't want to talk to anymore, letters I never want to see again. and people who aren't friends, weren't friends, they're like ghosts, that came and loved and went away. today I started pasting again. photos, letters, postcards, love. I've been talking about revamping it for so long, half a year, to be precise. but I never got round to it and today I know why. I still didn't know what I want. I knew but it fell away and today I know that I've found it again. and now I know better, I know what I shouldn't want. I don't want the ghosts who will come and love and go away. because they never really love at all. they are ghosts because they can't handle intensity. and that's what makes me human and them, ghosts. I want humans now. family friends and lovers. what's the difference. we'll see. you're a mystery, you're from outer space you're every minute of my every day. you've been making my days awesome, so let's hope you're not a ghost. ♥ back to skewl not really that kewl. Read (2) comment

230/ [06 Jul 2009|10:48am] terms have been over for a few days now :B I had this horrible gastric between GP and Math paper. it was so strange cause I got it right after I ate something!! it was so bad I wanted to cry. teehee thank God for the girls<3 esp rachel ray for blowing on my milo cause she insisted it was too hot to drink awwwww sho shweeet. anyway I haven't had much time to update lj regularly but I tweet like mad so, twitter.com/soopertrooperzz if you use twitter. I am so mega uber sooper dooper trooperzz glad term exams are over! I think results will be back this week, or soon, I guess. sigh sigh but I shall put that from my mind for now. had an AWSUMMMMM weekend to end off terms and actually, it's not over yet cause there's still today to go! cf, guitar exco meeting, og spyro loving, eunice's party, thank God for good times (: MY LIFE IS G. visualzzzz - as usual my camera got kidnapped a lot and...okay a lot of the pictures are underexposed and blurry fullstop. I <3 you, OG Spyro, forever and a day. eunice's party was good too, teehee hope you enjoyed yourself birthday girl! rachel ray your house is daaaayum nice, Palace Of Chiu is an apt name. and, Most Epic Picture Of The Night AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, hoho eunice don't kill me :B   so, other than all the happy times this weekend. heart vs head, head vs heart. I hate this game. yknow, I think about you all the time and now and then I go to your blog. and I miss you a lot yknow? but the stupid thing is I know you don't. at all. and I don't know how to feel. I want to be happy because YOU ARE HAPPY. but at the same time, how can I be when I look at what you've become? you're so dear to me babe, and I can't help but think, shit I was a damn bad friend, and maybe, just maybe, if I was a better one, girl you won't be the way you are now? I don't want to be judgemental and say that the way you're living now is bad is wrong because who am I to say that when I'm a sinner too? but it breaks my heart and I wish I could still talk to you. I love you, I still mean every word I said. I thought cutting it off would be temporary would be better than making you more upset, but now I can see that I'm the stupidest pig in the world for ever doing that. God help me :( look at the stars, look how they shine for you. I wish you could see that. I wish I can tell you I love you xinfinity like I used to. I tell people don't bring it up anymore because I just want to forget it. but how. I'm actually glad I know you don't read this. because I know if you ever get wind of how I still think of you, you'll probably get real mad again. ( am I really that hypocritical in your eyes? ) over and over, God shows me how un-constant everything around is. and every time He does a little part of me dies but I know, I know at least my faith in Him grows stronger this way, it makes me hold on to Him in a way fiercer than before. it makes the knowledge of His unchanging goodness more acute. and yet, I wish that some things, some people, could be more constant too. I'm not saying it's everything, everyone. it's not, everyday there are little surprises from people to show me they care, they love, too. I'm starting to contradict myself. I want to burn out bright, brighter than the northern lights/ on another note, you make me kind of happy. but that's all for now. and to quote relient k, I'll give, give, give until there's nothing else give my all until it all runs out give, give, and I'll have no regrets I'll give until there's nothing left God, I'll give.   comment

229/ [27 Jun 2009|03:24am] 3.30 AM and I am still not done with aaaaaaaaaaart. sova book will kill me, even if it doesn't, sova assignment will D: whatever the late night ends here I'm going to sleep ( by the way I've decided to completely not study math and just gg all the way since I'm already so gg-fied for math ) these are two very sian art students Zakhran says:  finish sova book alr? junipher. says:  no I'm doing nowww, totally dying junipher. says:  its quite sian Zakhran says:  hahaha damn sian right Zakhran says:  i've done three artists Zakhran says:  and the artists take fewer pages than the intro on realism junipher. says:  hahah I've been doing the whole day? I'm at duane hanson now, but then I havent touched the assignment junipher. says:  it's until marc quinn only right? Zakhran says:  duane hanson shit Zakhran says:  assignment! Zakhran says:  i thought until surrealism Zakhran says:  magritte junipher. says:  for real, daaaaaaamn I thought I was reaching the end junipher. says:  shite man so everything realistic representation except lucia hartini ): WAH MEGA SIAN Zakhran says:  yeah i guess Zakhran says:  mega sian indeed Zakhran says:  eh so how ah Zakhran says:  are we to do till magritte? Zakhran says:  cause mdan a lot Zakhran says:  for magritte Zakhran says:  and ron mueck junipher. says:  idk man :/ I think just do in case? Zakhran says:  but damn a lot  junipher. says:  hahah is there any other art person online? there's like no one to askkkkk junipher. says:  mueck still okay ah marc quinn really freaking a lottttt junipher. says:  and I havent checked magritte D: I WANT T DIE ALR junipher. says:  eh marc quinn like want to take up one whole sova book by himself sia ): Zakhran says:  hahah Zakhran says:  i haven't started on duane yet Zakhran says:  you doing marc quin now is it? Zakhran says:  damn a lot right 70 slides Zakhran says:  i want to sleep ah Zakhran says:  so bye man junipher. says:  yeah just started on marc quinn junipher. says:  hahaha k bye Zakhran says:  bye bye banana can you see, there is absolutely nothing funny about our sianzored conversation. but I must say, ron mueck you really wowed me with this one: In Bed, 2005 mixed media ( 161.9 x 649.9 x 395 cm ) Ron Mueck marc quin, I will die before I finish analysing your bread sculptures ): ART EXAM IS IN FIVE DAYS KILL ME NOW k end of rant goodnight ( good morning? ) world.

228/ [24 Jun 2009|09:51pm] wowza I haven't updated since guitar camp ended! okay well there's been church camp and yf retreat since then (: church camp mugging was total PHAIL, but I had a nice enough time traipsing about malaysia with the churchies. plus the speaker was really funny with his poems and lame jokesss, ANYWAY, retreat was really great!! very awesome, thank God (: honestly I didn't really expect retreat to have any mega big impact on me because I've gone through so many evangelism workshops and stuff like that, but none of them have really motivated me to want to really really really get out there and share. so this was a very nice surprise (: and it's so heartwarming to hear others talk about how they feel fired up to apply the iMessenger lessons too! let's go yf, let's go. I hijacked job's account to upload the retreat pictures so they're all on fb for once hurhur. I've been thinking about whether God shows in my life, specifically my conversations with people. and I suppose when you ask such questions God is going to plonk you in such situations. recently when I'm talking to people - people whom I talk to all the time but the topic of religion never comes up - I suddenly feel prompted to somehow bring up the topic, and it's been great, hearing about how God has been moving in these people's lives and sharing about my own. (: my God is bigger than the air I breathe. teehee thanks for the midnight "surprise" guyssssss! :D the expressions on your faces when I explained why I wasn't surprised was really funny! hahah momsy's too cute seriously!! so I came home at eleven, and went to my mom's room to chat with her "you going out again?" "tonight?" "ya" "no?!" "oh but just now job said so" "huh, tomorrow is it? yeah I'm going out tomorrow" "no, no. just now job said your friends are coming to surprise you then you all are going out for supper" HAHAH I KENA STUN SERIOUSLY, "huh? so...some people are coming to surprise me later?" "ya" "so...why you tell me?" "I don't knowwwwww, job tell me so I tell you" HAHAH SO I SPENT THE NEXT HOUR WONDERING WHETHER MY MOTHER SERIOUSLY DOESNT QUITE GET THE MEANING OF SURPRISE. but thanks anyway guys, it was really sweet (: and thanksss joyi for spending my birthday with me love you v much don't be so easily stressed all the time!!<3 so now it's really time to hit the books, four/five days to cram everything, gg but I got to try my best. bbbb ( i.e byebye baby ) (: Read (5) comment

227/ [03 Jun 2009|10:07pm] I have so many things to say that I don't know what I want to say, hahahahahahah kstop. so, before I say anything:   ( PICSPAMZZZZ ) PHAIL, how about 99.9 percent of the photos is N, M, S and CH. best. no photo with the camp comm ): no photo with The Most Awesome Group 4: John Mayer! ): nyeh. speaking of group 4, your (our?) skit was champion ttm!! well anyway, back from guitar camp. the past half month of planning, and the past two half days of execution, honestly, ohmytian, I kind of really felt like I was about to go insane. well last night I went quite berserk, but that's beside the point. do I sound negative k I think I sound negative nooooooo it's not. it's been, awesome, really. just because I am stressed and am under pressure, doesn't mean that the whole process sucks and that I don't get any fun from it. I've learnt, a lot. probably cause, the pressure here, somehow, felt a teeny bit different from the pressure of holding a sort of leadership position back in pl. but that teeny bit of difference made the whole intensity of the stress level insane. a comm full of strangers, with basically zero experience organising a camp like that. and I'd say that the turning point for this comm, came last night, sounds like it came way late but still it did, cause that was when I really hundred percent trusted each and every member and felt so much support and encouragement, sincerity and all. last night might seem like something that's obviously total shit for the comm, but, "everything happens for a reason" and there are always two sides to a coin. camp comm, ily (: <3 that few split seconds when we did group hugs and shoulder squeezes and yadayadayada right before we did The Talk, it was amazing, and I will never trade that feeling, for having a smooth sailing last night of camp. because through all the drama, I felt bonding, I felt love. last night was basically the breaking point for me, and the only reason why I managed to pull myself together and try and salvage things was because the rest of the camp comm was there to pull me together and to be with me as one as we worked to salvage things, and the campers, too, were there. I've never had so many heart to heart talks within the span of two half days, but I've always loved heart to hearts, and those that I've had during camp really, really, helped. so a very big thank you to those who had heart to hearts, gave hugs, wrote notes, sent sms-es and all. am so very grateful, idk why this post sounds kind of sad arghh, REST WELL DEAR CAMPERS SEE YOU TERM 3!! but it was SERIOUSLY darn fun at the same time, I had fun making new friends with my batchmates, working with the comm, taking pictures, settling admin, and admittedly my favourite: time spent with the J2s. I've said this so many times already but I will miss you guys so bad and have already been, and currently am, missing. the most awesome thing about today, has been that after clearing up and locking up everything, it was like the Good Old Days of having lunch/dinner together. I miss. so many people that I feel verrrry grateful to/for right now, and of course, above all, God. after all the hooha and drama, walking around the track having heart to heart with shaojean, I felt so at peace, and I told her so, told her that for the first time since I've joined guitar, as much as I love it sooooooo frikkin much I mean it, I feel truly, completely, at peace. no pressure no stress just complete peace, faith and trust in God's plan because "everything happens for a reason" and afterall, my God is so much bigger than the air I breathe. this is so wordy, and yet I still have so much to say. ah well, it's time to treat xuan to frolick and kick start Mugging For Terms if not I ggttm. kthxbai   Read (1) comment

226/ [23 May 2009|09:34pm] today was one of those fruitless days you spend quite listlessly, feeling sorry for yourself and reading and wondering why it won't rain. so I came home much earlier than I usually would on a saturday night, ate cup noodles and chocolate ice cream with my mother, and we watched princess diaries together she is so cute. and I feel better now. I can't stand weekends anymore. save for the lovely sunday mornings with the sunday school girls. thank you mummy<3 Read (2) comment

225/ [23 May 2009|12:40pm] drowning in my sleep, I'm drowning in my sleep. glass shatters and comes to a halt I thought we'd be there by now I thought it would be so much quicker than this Pain has never been so brilliant I made sure you were buckled in my knuckles have turned to white, there's no turning back tonight. and, soopertrooperzz on twitter.

224/ [17 May 2009|06:15pm] Glissando is over ):   the pathetic amount of photos I have with me now hurhurhur. I miss my seniors alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I kid you not. I barely know my own batchmates, I don't want the seniors to go ): the number of j1 guitar people I know, I can count with one hand. sadcase, sadface. C(harmander hahahahahh) asked me if I have friends for June camp like no?!?! G2, I. will. miss. each. and. every. one. of. you. like. mad. amazing section, amazing seniors. hahah by the way their last words to me were "and stay in g2 ah don't go and transfer to g1 or what" I will miss being called small little girl and walking guitar and things like that, so much. v soon it'll be time to say hello to new section mates I don't know what to expect/think/ahmagah. The Dinner People, zzzzzzzzomtian I have zero dinner plans after every guitar practice now ): you guys are darn funny anyhow. M said "are you sad, you're not going to see me for the rest of your life" LIKE, CAN YOU NOT PHRASE IT THAT WAY. kua zhang ttm. but sad, anyhow. nyeh. no more M playing with his hands no more J(iggly puff hahahahahh) stoning no more N giving me weird face like as if I am the weird one and no more E and S and F zzzzzomtian. The Awsum Pokemon People, TELL ME WHO, JUST WHO, WILL ENTHUSE WITH ME OVER POKEMON CARDXZ NOW. I carry the meowf card in my wallet HAHAHAH, I know charmander does that too not sure about jiggly puff OH MAN POKEMON TEAM HOW ): this one really damn sad please. pokemon forever okay guys HAHAHAH WTC. on the bright side, I think they're still coming for this wed's practice. and there's still june camp! aaaaaaand we need to do capers! since the capers paper tells me that I "have to meet [with the awsummm guitar syf ensemble] for at least three revision sessions". I know it sounds weird but honestly I've kind of been dreading this since after syf, cause that was when I realised how close stepdown was, and how close I am to being faced with the whole Time To Make New Friends thingmajig. it's like round two of first day at ac. acge 08/09 ftw. I should be optimistic sooooooo, acge 09/10 I'm sure I'll say ftw about us, too. comment

223/ [11 May 2009|05:59pm]   hello life is good life is awzzzzzzum. finally did some work today, studying/catching up with Joyi was good, was awzzzzum. missed the guitar hero partaaaay for mother's day dinner but it was worth it (: except that the humongous I Love You balloon I bought my mom BURST. >:(  but, Chiharu's my new fav japanese place fo' sho'. but, somedays, I feel like everything is quite..aimless. not really pointless, but aimless yesh. somedays I don't feel like waking up in a mad rush, like I did everyday for this week. woke up late everyday, took a cab everyday. on wednesday I couldn't take it after XYZ cab company put me on hold for 30 minutes before the dumb robot computerized voice informed me that they're "sorry, all our taxis are currently unavailable. please call again later". pause. I didnt go to school that day HAHAHAH, I was the first person in River Island and yayzersauras for my new WHITE plimsoles. they are white like seriously white! for the first time in a long time, I wore white, not grey, shoes to school. but I still went to school after, for guitar, heh heh. but like I said, not pointless, just aimless. like an opera at a disco, when all you wanted was a rock show. like that. p.s worst blisters in the world how about that argh, I am practically crippled. Read (3) comment

222/ [01 May 2009|10:53pm] hello ni hao I haven't been here for some time? heh. the space for 1 May, Friday ( in my organizer ) says : GOOD MORNING, JUNIPHER! it's labour day, pu-pu-public holiday oh yeah :> I slept at midnight yesterday and woke up at precisely 0909 hours, how kewl is thaaaaat! the previous post was about binomial=studying for math test= two weeks ago yo. anyway, I got E for math, but that's okay because I'm just glad I haven't gotten any Us. thank God for my gp package, chinese, and bio test man. Like, for real. talking about schoolwork, I am super duper uber behind, I'm supposedly more free now so I'm going to try so mega hard to catch up. after guitar concert I think I should be able to really chiong like mad to catchupketchuptomatosyay.   ( SYF/ ACGE<3 )   (Y)(Y)(Y) for my amazing section, you guys have been awesome seniors, I'm glad to have joined G2 and to be your junior manzxzxz <: anyhoos, check out maniAC for the guitar syf article because I'm too lazy to repeat myself hurhurhur, should be up by this weekend yesh! the space for 1 May, Friday also says that I'm supposed to have been spamming the biopolis pieces the whole of today, and currently be at Timbre with OG Spyro. I left all my scores in school by accident ( damn smart, I know right ), and I realised it's super troublesome for the OG to go all the way from jurong to town to meet me at Timbre. so instead, I spent the day restringing my Yamaha that I haven't touched for half a year ( because Irenaeus pwns Yamaha, obviously. but I left Irenaeus in school, so. ) and catching up with momsy<3 talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and more talk, don't remember when was the last time we had the time to sit down and talk for so long. which reminds me, I still don't know what to do for mother's dayyy. okay I have to admit  I AM DARN SCARED FOR BIOPOLIS PERFORMANCE ON WEDNESDAYYYYYYYYY but, it's been a really great happy awesome wonderful nice lovely week so thank God, thank God (: Read (5) comment

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